Friends.

Oh, yay! It’s time for me to inflict my views upon you again. I was thinking about friendship recently. It’s a tricky thing for me. I actually feel like I fail to choose friends well. However, I have been able to recently find a few valuable friends. I mean, I have many friendly acquaintances, which I enjoy, but I don’t think they’d come to my funeral if I died, you know?  

Not me at my funeral.

I feel like elementary school starts this kind of particularly crappy situation, actually. You are forced to be friends with the people in your class, and if you don’t get along, or if you have different views, then you get in trouble. Obviously in the real world you are going to know people that you don’t like, and they don’t like you. You act maturely about it (hopefully), and you don’t spend much time together. That is not the case in elementary school. One time, this girl in my class told us that her mother was dying of cancer. As it turns out, her mother didn’t even have cancer. The class found out, and no one wanted to be friends with her anymore. She was very upset and the teachers were upset that no one wanted to play with her. They forced us together. Of course then everyone switched classes and she went off to wherever the hell, but that’s just one example of a friend that I chose badly. 

Another girl told me (and others) that she had a brain tumor. We were close friends. After I realized that she did not have a tumor or cancer at all, we stopped being friends. Why on earth do people keep lying about cancer? Seriously? Bitches. 

Mmhm.

I have been lied to, manipulated, and lied about. People I thought were my friends have moved away without thinking to tell me. I have been called fat, ugly, stupid, and retarded. I’ve learned through the years, to only rely on myself. The only people’s friendship I take advantage of is my parents’. I’m friendly to everyone. I learn people’s names. I talk to them. I support them. I work hard for people to see the value in me. If I didn’t have any friends, I would be fine, that is true. I have been through too much and am too old to fight with people anymore. If someone does not want to be my friend, that is fine. If someone wants to be mad at me, that is fine too. I try to be positive, and make the world more positive. I try to be a good friend. I never take my friends for granted. I may seem comfortable, I may say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing, or fail to do the right thing, but I will never see having friends as something I deserve. It is a luxury. I know that I am very thin, and that in fourth grade I was tested as having a reading capability of an eleventh grader. I know that my mental facilities are fine. I know that I have even features. And I know that everyone in this entire world can reject me and I will still make friends, and I will still try to be a good friend to those who choose to accept me. I will not value myself any less. Because everyone dies alone, and everyone can leave, and you will still be stuck with yourself.

They're gonna leave her and she'll be stuck in that thing forever.

When someone comes up to me, and tells me that they love me, and that they support me, and that we are friends, I will never be able to properly explain how I feel when they say that. I will never in a million years be able to express my gratitude for you. When your actions show that you value our friendship, I become so, so content. Thank you. I don’t believe I choose friends well, but I am so very glad that you chose me.